52 Poems to Adam: "You're a Part of Me"

Ever since Adam died I've been writing poetry. Poetry is a fickle mistress and you can't force the words, if they don't flow you have to wait. Which is why my poetry is sporadic at best. Free verse is even harder to come by. You have to get the rhythm right or it sounds too much like prose. Strong emotion is the best muse for poetry and, unfortunately in this case, I have it right now in spades. I decided to write 52 Poems to Adam, a poem for every week of the first year after the accident. The first poem was titled "Adam" and was placed in the program for his funeral. Today's poem is #2.

So without further ado, I give you "You're a Part of Me":

You're a part of me, you know

Allison, Adam, Bonnie, and Cierra

As the blood in my body

The beat of my heart

The air in my lungs

The same DNA

Running through us both

Tying us inexorably together

Inextricably combined

Intertwined

You're a part of me

That annoying, pestilential voice

In my head

Telling me to do this

Or that

In that knowing way of yours

That makes me want to refuse

On principle

You're a part of me

As a shared history

Of my entire life

And most of yours

With those typical, no holds barred fights

Between two siblings

Who love and hate in a single breath

The one time I struck another human being

You

And how you forgave me instantly

Unreservedly

You're a part of me

As that first voice of reason

In my world that had gone insane

Sharing a burden

A weight

Too heavy for a 13-year-old girl

Who didn't understand

You're a part of me

When you made jokes

And laughed at mine

When they were funny

And especially when they weren't

You're a part of me

Of us

The youngest of a family

That stuck together

Hung out

Loved and laughed together

Grew together

You will always be a part of me

When I heard about the accident

Searched frantically for answers

Felt the swift, brutal punch of confirmation

When they said your middle name—

Who gave them the right to say your middle name?

You will always be a part of me

When I kissed your brow

Broke down over my first sight

Of you

The same, but different

Austere and beautiful in repose

Cold

But not you

Not anymore

You will always be a part of me

When I last ran my fingers through your hair

The same hair

Despite everything

Your hair

You will always be a part of me

Even when they closed you away

Took you away from me

From us

Tearing my heart from my chest

Tearing out a little part of me

That's you

Always you

You will always be a part of me

Especially when I cry

And laugh

And remember

You

Comforted in eternity

In the thought

That you will always be part of me

As I am a part of you